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Three Signs the Scarcity Wound is Holding You Back

Scarcity is real. Scarcity is also a lie.  

Scarcity is a profound and painful experience of lack. There are people everywhere who experience the desperation of real scarcity - a lack of food, water, safety, infrastructure, money, health care, education, support, encouragement - you name it, it is possible to experience scarcity in almost any way. Having lived in Zambia and traveled throughout Africa, scarcity of material resources is evident everywhere you look. Though there are (too many) people who experience real scarcity in the United States, far more people have ample resources who still feel the painful clutch of scarcity. How can that be?

The scarcity wound refers to an inner experience of scarcity in the present moment that is based primarily on past personal, familial, and societal experiences and/or narratives. In other words, the scarcity wound leads to suffering in the present moment that isn't based on the current reality. Make no mistake, this fear...

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You are Not Stuck in a Story

Self-responsibility is powerful medicine.

At the same time, the general insistence (especially in the spiritual, healing, and personal development realm) that personal challenge = being stuck in a story is frankly, complete bullshit. It draws the attention away from what is truly being offered to you via your experience and instead, adds insult to injury via the subtle judgment that you are “stuck in a story”.

Seriously, though — isn’t it interesting that we never consider ourselves to be “stuck in a story” if it makes us feel good? If it bolsters our sense of confidence? If it brings us a sense of clarity about who we are and how the world works?

You can try and gloss over, ignore, or positive affirmation your way past the very real conditions of life that create confusion, uncertainty, and hurts of the present and the past all day long but stories: our individual and collective stories (and the sorrow, grief, anger, fear, shame, and guilt that...

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You are Worthy

You were born with an intact sense of self. 

However, early on, we are indoctrinated into ideas about worthiness that lead us to believe that worth is to be found outside of ourselves -- in how we are perceived and received by those around us: another’s assessment or gaze or our monetary value or the work we do or our beauty. 

This focus on recognition is the air we breathe.

Consider gender bias, not to mention racial and sexual bias — consider all the ways society narrowly defines who and what is worthy or most often, unworthy. Then there are the insidious ideas and lived experiences of needing to “earn” your keep, needing to perform, being expected to be pleasing (or not), or to be quiet, having your ideas dismissed, diminished, or worse, stolen. And the hits keep rolling, don't they? 

Let's not forget the ever-present societal focus on beauty: body shape, size, and image, looks, and fashion that keep many women from the very real work of...

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Make the Ask

clarity do the thing truth Jul 14, 2021

Asking is a big deal for a lot of women. 

And when I say big deal, I mean, a lot of women abhor asking for what they want. I note that If a woman has difficulty asking for what she wants, she will most certainly struggle with receiving. 

If you are a woman who struggles with asking and/or receiving, if you are a woman who considers yourself a "giver" but you don't like to take from others or if you are a woman who is chronically underpaid or you don't have enough work coming to you in your business - you are going to want to consider learning the art of asking (and choiceful receiving). 

The Art of the Ask

From sex to asking men to step off and leave you alone, to asking for the raise, the job, psychic space - whatever it is you want, you really must ask for it and ask clearly. I know this from inviting the women I work with to strengthen the skill of asking and also from my own experience and discomfort around asking. I believe there are ways in which we've been told...

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Let Go of Perfection

clarity heal_scarcity truth Jul 12, 2021

You do not require "fixing"

You are not a machine. You are not a toaster with a faulty heating element. There is no final, steady-state of perfection, transcendence, or even plain old goodness to keep reaching for. You are brilliant, wise, and you shine so bright when I see you -- I wish you believed what you really, deep down, know is true: this brilliance, your brilliance, is the real deal. 

No matter how much I say this, no matter how much I repeat this, I know that it's hard to hear in the swirl and roar of airbrushed images, affirmations that attempt to elevate you above your flaws, and the subsequent hangover cures peddled to everyone who is trying to distance themselves from their lack of perfection. 

Vulnerable, imperfect humanity is luminous

And, I know firsthand how much work it takes to live into this truth, which can seem like you are trying to fix something in you that is fundamentally flawed. That's not it -- it's more like chipping away at old paint...

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Working with Fear

Fear is often about a deep sense of scarcity

Somehow, we've gotten the message that fear must be avoided at all costs. However, I would say the point isn't to be fearless, but to heal and to learn from fear. SO many of the women I work with arrive with tremendous fear and a sense of scarcity in different forms and variations. So the time felt ripe to write a post about fear and how to work with it in a way that actually works.

This is not a "F!&k Fear" post

Nope, it's actually going to be a lot more empowering than that. Because frankly, I think it's ridiculous to believe that we shouldn't feel fear or that we should try and be fear-free. Why? Well, fear is hard-wired into your limbic system. So working with your fear, not pretending you don't experience it, is far more transformative than trying to escape it.

Fear isn't the enemy we make it out to be

I don't believe that we live in a world (or a body) where we can stop experiencing fear. The most powerful practice...

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The Wisdom of Your Emotions

Depths & Hard Edges

The depths and edges of our discontent, the tension we feel between how things ARE and how we want them to be, urge us toward transformation, toward change. Our pain shapes us into the people we are, and, if we choose to say yes, our pain will shape us into the people we are meant to be.

The Path We Walk

Saying yes to accepting suffering as a teacher and guide clears the path, moving us toward possibility, toward wholeness, and yes, toward joy - toward deep and abiding joy. This is a tremendous gift as well as a great paradox — no one asks for the trauma, the wounding, or the circumstances that create such profound suffering (yeah, no thanks). We wouldn’t wish it on anyone else, would we?

However, the pain and suffering we experience because we are alive and we are human is an invitation to a co-creative dance of becoming who we truly are and who we are meant to be.

I don’t believe that life is suffering, as the Buddha said.

But I do believe...

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Risk Builds Courage

If you are in business, you are in the business of risk. 

  • There is the risk of not making enough money to pay the rent.

  • The risk of leaving the corporate paycheck behind.

  • There is the risk of concept failure. 

  • There is the risk that life will intervene and you will have to scale back your business.

And then there are all the risks that go along with saying yes and taking bold action.

  • There is the risk that you will be criticized, called out, judged, and disliked by some. 

  • There is the risk that you will work so much that the rest of your life will fall apart.

  • There is the risk of reinvention and evolution.  

The risks you will take to be in business (hell, to live a full life) are endless, and though that may take your breath away, imagine me telling you that while looking you straight in the eye, knowing you are fully up to the task. 

It's vital to become a woman who will take risks.

Most good things in life are on the other side of...

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The Light-Bearing Gift of Addiction

I've been thinking a lot about addiction and recovery as I've been winding down my work in preparation for our move and feeling all the feels about all of it. Because I'm recognizing the clear signs of withdrawal from work. From WORK for crying out loud. It's been like falling down the rabbit hole in Alice in Wonderland -- I keep thinking I'm going to get to the bottom but I keep falling, my past rushing by, offering me greater wisdom and healing around the gift of addiction and the call to recovery. 

I know this place. 

If you've been here for a while, you know that I freely identify myself as a woman with a body that is addiction-prone. I've not drunk alcohol for nineteen years and so many other addictions have shown up for me to circle this particular pattern within myself over and over: money/over-spending, sugar, information mining, Facebook, my silly iPhone... and here we are, with work. 

I'm grateful that I recognize addiction as one of my life...

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What the World Needs

Beautiful you. It's your time. 

The world needs you in all of your glorious, authentic, and unique power. What that means is you, fully present, full capacity, connected to the truth: you are powerful, you are loved, and you are a divine expression of all that is good and beautiful in the world. You, your business, your family, your community, and the world needs you to embody this truth. 

The whole of creation dances in your body. 

You are a creatrix. You hold the power of intuition, of knowing, of connection to the divine soul of the earth as a woman. Rivers, streams, and tributaries of nourishing blood pulse through you, expansive oceans of breath ebb and flow, the hot core of life bubbles up in the center of your chest, your luminous heart. The flesh of your body an ecosystem of mountain ranges, lush jungles, deserts, and pasture lands. Your bones, the rocky, solid terrain giving rise to form and shape. The womb of you, the seat of expression and receiving....

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I am dedicated to supporting you as you heal the scarcity wound and embody authentic wealth. I can't wait to see what you do with your power, sister!

Your time is now. Let's do this.