There is no "fix"

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Let me read this post for you {7 min, 14 sec}

You do not require "fixing"

You are not a machine. You are not a toaster with a faulty heating element. There is no final, steady state of perfection, transcendence or even plain old goodness to keep reaching for. You are brilliant, wise, and you shine so bright when I see you -- I wish you believed what you really, deep down, know is true: this brilliance, your brilliance, is the real deal. 

No matter how much I say this, no matter how much I repeat this, I know that it's hard to hear in the swirl and roar of airbrushed images, affirmations that attempt to elevate you above your flaws, and the subsequent hangover cures peddled to everyone who is trying to distance themselves from their lack of perfection. 

I think I'm lucky. I have always been stubborn as a mule. When people who had my "best interests at heart" steered me toward the path of least resistance, I could only stomach that crap for about 14 years. It nearly killed me to drink my way through the darkness of trying to do what was expected of me (which is actually code for "continuous striving for perfection that will always fail"). 

Humanity is the light and the beauty

And, I know firsthand how much work it takes to live into this truth, which can seem like you are trying to fix something in you that is fundamentally flawed. That's not it -- it's more like chipping away at old paint that was put on beautiful hardwood in a misguided attempt to beautify something that is incomparable in it's natural, stunning beauty. 

It's not a fix that you are seeking, it's restoration of your innate wholeness to your conscious awareness. A revealing of (and reveling in) your natural light and beauty, one sweet layer at a time. Your true nature, your soul, your Essence of beauty, truth, light, love and joy is intact. The luminous core of you is undamaged and on some level, you know it. You can feel it because no matter how much paint you might layer on, somehow the natural grain of the wood is still there, still visible. 

One layer at a time

With every fiber of my being I believe that we are, at our core, divine. That we are, in fact, embodied, divine soul. That our human experience is exactly what we are here for, not some hyped up idea of "transcendence" that is just another face of the impossible search for perfection. 

What our souls really long for is the messy, real and true experience of being human -- engagement with terrible and difficult challenges, experiencing the incredible joy of creativity, feeling our hearts break open again and again as we move through the world with countless other beings (some we love, some we like, some, well... great teachers), the awe and wonder of living in a world that is so alive, so beautiful and terrible in equal measure that it inspires us. The tears and pain, the laughter and joy, the triumph and yes, even the defeat. The list goes on. Our lives on earth are precious, our capacity and desire for aliveness, immense.

Please.

Drop any ideas of perfection. Stop looking for a "fix" (god, looking for a fix is like looking for a "fix" as an addict, isn't it?) Let go of the idea of attainment. Or being some kind of goddess. Strip away anything anything other that who you are: a unique expression of the divine living deep and wide in the human experience. Perfectly imperfect. Held and nourished by our great Mother Earth, celebrated by the angels and devas throughout the Universe, infinitely loved and supported by the Divine. 

Peel off the paint, reveal the luminous beauty at the core of your being; at the core of your humanity. Show me your quirks, your fears, your mistakes and your triumphs. Let me see the stains from the tears and the scars born from love, from play and yes, the incredibly strong scars from the wounds inflicted by others. 

This is how we belong to ourselves. This is how we belong to the world. One tender layer of Truth revealed at a time.

Show me the very Truth of your being

My sister, this is so much larger than you, than me. This is what you need. This is what I need. This is what we need, collectively, to reconnect with our Truest Nature as individuals and as a collective. We crave Truth. We long for radiance to be revealed. This is how we know ourselves, and each other. This is how we remember who we truly are.

When you reveal your True self you restore something precious to your own life, yes, but the ripples are infinite. Don't doubt the power your own healing and restoration has on the world at large, my sister -- don't doubt the power of knowing and celebrating your own wholeness. 

Hear me now.

You are brilliant, wise, and you shine so bright in your messy and oh so human experience -- embrace what you really, deep down, know is true: this brilliance, your brilliance, is the real deal. Stop. Trying. To. Fix. Yourself. You are not broken, you are beautifully and brilliantly and divinely human. 

And truly, I love that about you. 

xo.nona

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A guide to craft your Sacred Practice

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Embody your Truth in the way that you practice. Get the guide to creating a unique-to-you, supportive Sacred Practice.

You will receive a playbook with everything you need to get started, plus access to my monthly missives when you sign up below.

I would love to have you. xo

Photo credit: Natalya Letunova on Unsplash

Love Made Visible

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For the sensitive, empathic woman with Work to do.

I see the ways that you've pushed yourself out into the world to the point of exhaustion, I see the way that you've been cruel to yourself in the face of your own needs, I see the way that you've tried to bend your impulses and energy to the will of the world. I see how you continue to question yourself and what you know is true. 

Take a deep breath.

Do you notice how profound the stress is in your body when you send a post or share an offer? Or, have you simply stopped trying or on the converse side, have you simply stopped paying attention as you push into the world in ways that go against your nature? Perhaps you swing between these two extremes, unsure of where to find your way. It is so deeply impactful to share your tender bits and offers with the world, isn't it? Be gentle with you.

Because the world needs you.

I don't want you to give up or push yourself to do what you "think" you should. As a sensitive, empathic woman who wants to be in the world making a contribution and enjoying it, I say that for every external event or expression, you have to find the equal and opposite deep internal reset and restoration.

No, you are not flawed. I promise.

I used to behave as if this need (which I've know about my whole life) was a flaw that needed to be ignored at all costs and that if I honored that impulse, I would be selfish. I followed that train of thought to my own detriment. Perhaps you can relate. 

I now know this is my own natural rhythm -- and to do my work in the world and not end up "taking care of myself" in dysfunctional, addictive ways, I must attune to my own rhythm. I must drink deeply of the practices that truly nourish me.

Only then am I able to express and share what I'm meant to. Only then am I in harmony with the beautiful inhale and exhale of giving and receiving. Only them am I honoring the truth of the way my innate wealth is meant to move in the world.

If you've read this far, I'm guessing this may be true for you, too. 

"Work is love made visible." -Kahlil Gibran

The way that you create, is the way that your wealth moves out into the world and there must be a devotion to this: Sacred Practices that let your expression be clear and true to your essence. But the other side of the equation (often ignored) is equally, if not more important, for you: the receiving. The receiving is a devotion to the Sacred Practices of tending to your energy and your deep needs and your desire for connection to deeper wisdom and truth - to let that feed and nourish you.

For your work to be the fullness of your love made visible, you must be receiving as much as you are giving. These two energies, in tension, are what allow you to create from overflowing, heart-opening, love. 

Honor the truth of how your innate wealth is meant to move in the world: expansion and contraction, giving and receiving, action and stillness. You have my full permission to offer yourself the depth and breadth of Sacred Practices that will support you, nourish you, and leave you full. 

The world, in fact, needs you. 

Do whatever it takes to make sure you can, and will, be able to live your dream of service and contribution in the most joyful and grounded way possible. 


I would love to support you in 2018 through the deep magic of Sacred Practice -- the power of transformation, taken into your own hands. 

In 2018, I will be offering a year-long school for 27 women who want to dive deep into creating change in unconventional and radical ways. The theme this coming year is tending Sacred Resources - body, mind, Divine Intelligence, deep intuitive wisdom, wise action and yes, money. Registration is open now.


The Deep Magic of Practice Awaits

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Get your guide + audio meditation to receive a nourishing  Sacred Practice that is unique to you.

There is magic in Sacred Practice -- get the guide and audio journey to  create your supportive Sacred Practice.

You will receive a playbook with everything you need to get started, plus access to my monthly missives when you sign up below.

xo.nona

How You Do One Thing...

"How you do one thing is how you do everything..."

This famous Zen quote is everywhere. I've heard it at least four times in the last week. I've had this phrase directed at me in coaching to highlight the pervasive nature of my faults and, I am certain I've used it in coaching sessions to the same effect. (If I used it on you in a session, I hope you'll accept my apology.)

This statement is a lie (sorry Zen lovers) 

It's a blanket statement that cannot possibly be true. I would go so far as to say the way this statement is currently used in personal development is the antithesis of Zen. This phrase decreases people's awareness and appreciation of who they are in different situations and how they respond in each and every moment. Instead it implies the worst, "Gosh, you must have real issues if you are struggling with this one area... because how you do this one thing is how you do everything."   

Frankly, I'd like to see this phrase eradicated from the lexicon of spirituality and personal development. This phrase, in my experience, is used in a way that evokes shame and supports the continuation of people beating themselves with the stick of perfection. I've never heard it used to help people see their strengths, only weaknesses. 

How you do one thing is how you do that one thing.

That is not sexy (or judgmental) - but it's actually true. 

And how you do other things is how you do other things. We all have quirks. We are all human with incredible strengths as well as foibles. Which is what makes life interesting and beautiful. 

For instance, I (like many women I know) can be extremely hard on myself about my body. Hypercritical, sometimes my inner voice can even be cruel pointing out all the ways I'm not taking care of myself as well as I "should" to be healthier. 

If I were to look at all of this and say, "How I do one thing is how I do everything."  then the conclusion I would draw (and have beat myself with in the past) is that the way I take care of my body is a reflection of my capacity to be a good mother, to be a great coach and teacher, to be a friend, to have a great partnership with my husband. Because if I can't take care of my body 'perfectly', then I'm broken and the success or health of every other area of my life is suspect. 

But here is the truth: there is limited time in the day.

My priorities are my daughter, my husband and my work. I give zero fucks about eating "clean" or any such bullshit and I like to move my body in ways that are deeply pleasurable for me, not punishing. None of this reflects on other parts of my life. 

How I "do" my work is that I show up, I create, I serve and I love it. Sometimes I get caught up in being busy and overwork, whether it's from having too much fun or distracting myself from my husband's absence and then I get tired and need a break. 

How I "do" my family is that they are the most important part of my day. I schedule time in the middle of each day to talk to my husband via Skype and I stop work when I pick my daughter up from school to spend time with her. Sometimes both of those things annoy me, which doesn't mean anything about the overarching state of my family or my patience or love for them. 

How I "do" my friendships is that I set dates to talk with and play with my friends on a regular basis. As an introvert, I cherish the friends who will go deep and not be offended when I need space or say no to party invitations over and over. 

How I "do" my food is I'm relearning how to eat intuitively so I'm kind of all over the place right now with what I'm eating. Which doesn't mean anything about my business, my spiritual practices, my family or my organizational skills.

How I "do" moving my body right now is I do what feels good in my body each and every day be it hiking, yoga, dancing or nothing. I try not to sit too much because it hurts my bum. Otherwise I would unapologetically sit all day long.   

How I "do" my iPhone is a bit addictively. I get a little nervous when it's not close by or in my hand. 

So on and so forth. You get the point. There may be patterns worth observing, stories I tell myself, ways of being that are unique to me that I would love to shift. But under no circumstances is it helpful to believe that how I do one thing is how I do everything. To do so with either positive or negative qualities is delusional.

How you do one thing is how you do that thing. 

This bears repeating. No matter what "thing" you or I are doing, the only way we know how we are doing it and if it's aligned with our values and our deepest desires right now is by paying attention to how we do that one thing. Which isn't a representation of everything and it's also subject to change in any moment. 

Looking at anything as if it's static - especially human behavior and circumstance - is crazy. Yes, we humans definitely get into habits but blanket statements are an excuse to go to sleep and not pay attention to your experience, today. 

Compassion, not cruelty. 

My one desire is that I want to do everything I say "yes" to in my life is with as much presence and engagement as I can muster. I want to turn toward myself and my experience on any given day with compassion, not cruelty. Curiosity, not assumptions. I want to enjoy who I am and the life that I'm living without casting a shadow of judgment over my humanity. I want to celebrate the divine imperfection of who I am because how I do everything is as myself. Period.

Let's stop the judgment.

You are far more complex than your worst, or your best, behaviors, sister. My deepest wish is that you will cast aside any believe that your perceived flaws somehow indict you in All the Ways. That you will turn toward yourself with open arms and acceptance because that, not punishment or perfection, is the path to freedom. 

How you do everything is as you, beautiful sister. Celebrate all of it. 

xoxo.nona