When to Walk Away

It can be extremely difficult to walk away from what you know. To decide that the thing that you've been committed to is no longer your passion, be it work, a relationship, or a way of being in the world. A big part of easing the challenges of change is knowing when it's time to walk away. 

I'm not always great at that, are you? 

A few weeks ago, I launched a new series of courses: The Money Mastery Series. I felt fairly neutral about it and tried to psyche myself up. I futzed with the sales page and then when I finally started talking about the course, I felt dead inside. 

I know this feeling - I've actually bumped up against this particular edge plenty of times in my work and in my life. In fact, I often have people tell me how much they admire my capacity to shift gears and to evolve. In the doing, it feels chaotic and decidedly ungraceful. I bump up against all of my stories of who I "should" be and what I "should" do, which makes it even harder to walk away, to see what needs to be pared away and released. 

How to Know it's Time to Walk Away

It's so easy to get lulled into believing that what you've been doing is the thing that you will (and should) keep doing. However, what I've learned is that if you are actively engaged with your life and your work, you will know when it's time to walk away. 

Here are some indicators that it's time to walk away:

You feel dead inside. Listen, sister. If the mere thought of continuing makes you want to lay down and nap or you feel irritated, or you feel anything less than hell yes, it may be time to walk away. I've spent a fair amount of time chasing my tail, working with thoughts and emotions related to identifying as a "money coach". No amount of shifting my perspective or my thoughts has made this feel any better. That's a sign. For real. Talking yourself into doing something isn't going to make it better - your body and your emotions don't lie. Your socialized, habit-laden, fear-brain will lie, but not your body. 

The doing feels hard. Really hard. I believe every single person can do hard things and hard things become easy (not effortless) when our energy, passion and vision are available to propel our action. So I'm not saying to quit when the going gets a little tough, but I am saying that if you can't muster your energy by remembering why the hell you are doing what you are doing then it's may be time to consider saying goodbye. 

You find yourself seeking distraction. Putting yourself to sleep via distraction is a major indicator that you are in need of a scene change. Some common distractions: overspending money, overeating, drinking, drugs, (this one is for you, coaches) signing up for an endless string of programs, scrolling through Facebook... anything can become a way to avoid and distract yourself from listening to your life. If you find yourself putting yourself to sleep through distracting, addictive behavior, it may be time to wake up and walk away. 

A note on staying out of obligation

I've always believed that staying in any situation out of obligation is destructive - not only to self, but to others. If you don't love what you are doing most of the time, if you are staying because of the money, or because it's safe or any reason other than, "This is my work to do, my voice to raise, my people to love, my life to create." you won't be doing your best work. This doesn't serve anyone - especially not you. 

Ready to make your move? 

When you know, you know. Are you ready to make your move? To say no? To walk away? Okay then. Here are a few things you might want to stick in your hip pocket. 

When you walk away, here are some things to consider: 

When it's time, be truthful. First and foremost with yourself and then with the people who will be impacted by your choices. Even if others aren't happy with your choice, even if it's scary to say it out loud, even if you are afraid of what it will mean for you - be truthful, be kind and stand your ground with love. Remind yourself that saying no makes room for more of what you want and it makes room for others to have more of what they want (just maybe not from you). 

Stay open and curious. For me, the hardest part of change is the not knowing. I want to have solid ground to land on immediately. However, what I've learned is that there is magic in the liminal space. I encourage you to rest there, in the place that feels messy and unformed, to see what emerges. Get quiet and listen with the intention of knowing the next steps that will take you where you want to go. For me, the desire for my work has consistently been moving to more meaningful and powerful levels of service for my clients that also light the fire in my heart and soul. Remember, when you walk away from what doesn't work, you are walking toward what does work. 

Finally, when you are ready to walk away, give yourself the gift of support. I've been talking to some of my trusted friends, coaches and mentors for months (maybe even alluding to this for years) to gather clarity, strength and support. This is invaluable in staying the course - not only to know your own heart but to be seen and loved for who you've been, who you are, and who you are going to be. 

Take a deep breath, sister. 

I know that walking away and saying no brings challenges and new and different kinds of puzzles to crack. It's not easy to embrace change, let alone to invite it into your life. I also know, from many iterations of change (both self-initiated and circumstantial) that you are worth it. Not only are you worth it, but the people around you are worth it. Your life, and the corner of the world you light up, deserves you, committed to the course of action that feels alive for you. 

xoxo.nona


The Evolution of You + Me

My writing, my teaching and my work with clients, will no longer be exclusively through the lens of money - for a while, it's been feeling like a container that is far too small for my work with you. I continue my work with women in business, focused on grit and gumption - calling on the wealth of resources available to you to live with meaning, to do the work you are here to do, to take right action, to be courageous and bold for self and on behalf of your life. 

If you want to experience money healing, you can check out my digital, self-study program, Get Right with Money

If you find yourself ready for a coaching partnership that leads to meaningful, focused action that moves you toward the work and the life you want to be living, I would love to chat. I have one individual coaching spot opening up in April. Is it for you?

Posted on March 29, 2016 and filed under Being Intentional, Change Your Mind, Must-Read.