It was the year my husband went to Afghanistan.
I knew that year I was going to take time every damn day for me. To do the things that I love. And I did. I hiked, I meditated outdoors. I danced. I talked to my guides and I spent time with dear friends. I slept more and worked less. Yes, I worried about my husband, but I did everything in my power to fill my cup and keep it full to overflowing.
I spent my play time almost entirely outdoors. I hadn't spent so much time outdoors since I was a child. Frankly, after living in Rome and then the D.C. area, I was itching to spend time outdoors in a place that wasn't a) totally polluted and crowded and b) ridden with biting bugs. The mountains I hiked in spoke to me - I felt this incredible connection with my habitat that was reassuring and enlivening.
It felt so good to let go of the conditions that I had placed on myself to work hard, be more, do more, generate more.
The results astonished me.
First and foremost, financially? My profits more than doubled. I was way more relaxed around my business. I did what felt good, what lit up my heart and I had so much fun doing it. But I worked a lot less. Because remember? I was also very much committed to taking exquisite care of myself and my daughter while my husband was away.
More interesting to me than even the profits doubling was my growing sense of abundance - an abundance of time, of energy, of resources within me and around me. The sense of "not enough" I had always felt at a visceral level just went away.
For the first time since childhood, I knew and felt enough. Not just enough, more than enough.
Finding my Source.
I would have believed the growing sense of enough came from all the healing I've done and measures I've taken to Get Right with Money, but when we moved to Hawai'i and the honeymoon was over and everyone returned to work, I started staying inside, hunched in front of my computer, hell bent on doing all sorts of busy work and placing conditions (once again) on my time. I wasn't playing, I wasn't connecting to the nature within and around me.
The pervasive ache of not enough returned.
I found myself buying programs and coaching sessions driven by a desire to want a fix - no longer inspired exclusively by love. Profits went down, that endless hungry feeling came back. I felt a deep sense of lack and I wasn't feeling that trust in my inner resources.
Living from my natural abundance.
The joyful end to this story is that I recognized rather quickly that my access point, my source to connect to the natural abundance within and all around happens outdoors. So I went outside and that hunger abated and the feeling of more than enough returned. When I am consciously connected with earth in all her glory, I know at a visceral level that I have everything I need, I can create everything I desire, and that there is and I am more than enough.
Finding your source is essential.
And, believe me, it's a fierce revolution you will wage to find, and stay connected, to your source. Everything about our culture wants you to stay asleep. To keep consuming, to continue believing that you must have this thing and the next and that you can finance it for zero percent down. The message is loud and clear: abundance = money and more stuff (and I will say here, that I am in no way saying it's NOT important. It is. I adore my money.) and that to have more money you have to work harder and longer.
But guess what? The more you sit in that chair staring at your computer, the more you want to buy shit you don't need to "treat" yourself for working so damn hard. And guess what? Sitting in front of a computer kills your creative energy, too so guess what? You probably aren't going to do your most brilliant work. And you're going feel like you aren't enough because on some level, you aren't. You aren't truly your most brilliant, beautiful, more-than-enough self unless you are consciously, actively connecting to YOUR source of abundance every day and that feeling of not enough is just begging you to connect back to your source of abundance.
On some level, we all know this.
No matter how many times we hear it, or tell ourselves, or see the evidence - we still do it. We still walk away from ourselves. And when I say "we" I really mean it. Because I do it, too. We sit down and think, "I'm going to work harder to make more money and THEN, THEN, THEN when THAT happens, then I will go out and swim with dolphins or hike with the mountain goats or mediate in my favorite field or go to ecstatic dance or get out the paints."
"THEN" never comes but "not enough" doesn't leave - until you connect with your innate, lush, source of abundance.
The imperative invitation to you.
Whatever you keep waiting to do, do it now. Whatever conditions you've falsely set for yourself, drop them. Because here's the thing. Those activities that you put off, those moments of connection that take a back seat? They hold the key to finding and living from your source. I don't know what your source of abundance is, but I know you've got one and I know for sure that the enough-ness, the clarity, the energy and the innate wealth your source offers you is going to rock your world in every way.
Find Your Source.
Seek until you find it. It's nearby, calling to you, waiting for you to arrive.